I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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