Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
