We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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