singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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