I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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