i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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