yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
