alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
