Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize