And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
