Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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