Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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