He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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