I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
