Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
