no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
