Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
