I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
