yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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