Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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