this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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