My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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