I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
