Do you still have your period?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
