Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
