If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
