Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
