Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize