I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
