i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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