my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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