right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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