First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
