A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
