ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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