dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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