I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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