I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
