i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
