HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
