if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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