YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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