tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
