I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
