I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
