She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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