I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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