I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
