Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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