C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
