I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
