I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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