I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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