Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
