"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
