Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
