All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
