lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
