I want to stick my p in your. b.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
