Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize