I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize