I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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