Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
