booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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