There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
