Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
