Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
