Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
