My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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